Kim’s Story, continued
Near the end of my pregnancy I injured my back in a car accident. Thankfully, the baby was already full-term and was delivered safely by C-section.
My doctor prescribed a narcotic for my intense back pain, which helped a lot, but as soon as the prescription ran out the pain came flooding back. He ordered three more refills and the pain stayed manageable but I was exhausted from caring for a newborn and a toddler while operating in a haze of pain killers so I took some time off from work.
Around that time my doctor retired and I started seeing a new doctor at the practice who refused to refill my prescription because he said I was at risk of addiction. He sent me to physical therapy and told me to stick to ibuprofen for pain management, but that really wasn’t good enough. Plus, once I stopped taking the pain meds I felt awful and sick all the time. In hindsight it seems obvious those were symptoms of withdrawal but I didn’t understand that at the time - I just knew the painkillers made me feel so much better.
Rock bottom
I found some old prescription pain killers in my parents’ bathroom and felt so much better on those but they ran out pretty quickly and I was desperate to get more. I found ways to buy them that felt a little shady but I wasn’t a junkie; I just needed them to control the pain and sickness.
Over the next few years things got really bad. As the sickness got worse I couldn’t keep it a secret anymore. I resorted to selling things and stealing money to buy drugs, and when my husband figured out what was going on, he kicked me out of the house. I lived with friends for a while and met some people who could help me get drugs when I needed them. Eventually, to get money to feed my own addiction, I started selling drugs and making regular trips out of state to buy larger quantities.
It was on one of those trips that I finally got caught and charged with possession and distribution. I served 3.5 years in a federal prison and have been clean since then but it’s a struggle every single day.
Scrambling to survive
I was released 18 months ago and I’ve had a really hard time getting back on my feet. My husband has custody of our kids and I only get to see them once a week. I feel like I barely know them and they don’t have any respect for me.
My parents and brothers were really hurt by my addiction, too, so there’s a lot of reconciliation to be done. They are thankful to have me back alive and even paid my court fees and the security deposit for my housing to help me get back on my feet but they still don’t quite trust me so they aren’t providing any other financial support.
I’m living at an Oxford House, a sober living community that’s really supportive, but I have to keep up with my rent & utilities to stay there. One of my roommates helped me get some cleaning jobs but it isn’t very consistent work, and she just moved out so I can’t get a ride with her any more and am now completely unemployed. I would love to have my old job back but with two felonies on my record I doubt I can ever be a paralegal again. And until I can afford to get my license reinstated and buy a car, I’ll have to settle for jobs where I can take the bus.
I feel like the time I spent in jail should have been the penalty for my mistakes, but I’m still living the penalty because everyone looks at me and just sees a criminal. I don’t see any way I can ever get back on my feet or get anything like my old life back.
My Priorities
Employment: I need a legit job (not under the table) that I can get to on the bus and make enough money to pay my expenses. I’m okay with working food service but it can’t be a place that serves alcohol because my highest priority has to be staying sober.
Transportation: I need to figure out how to get my driver’s license reinstated. It was suspended because of my drug charges but I really need a car because Roanoke’s bus system is really limited and uber is so expensive - I’m already paying $30 a week for an uber to visit my kids; I can’t afford to use uber to get to work, too. My parents have an old car I can use if I just get the license.
Housing: The Oxford House I’m in is really good for me right now because it’s such a supportive community. But my kids can’t stay with me there so I need to figure out where I’ll be able to live so that my kids can visit me and build some savings into my budget to afford a down payment.